Forbidden Intoxication

The hot taste in my mouth.

Sweat breaking out on skin.

Breathing shallow.

Pupils dilating.

Heat.

Friction.

Oh God the friction!

Eyes rolling back.

The desire, the call.

The irrefutable call for more.

The scents and smells a delicacy.

The taste, oh God the taste on my tongue,

But to touch? To feel?

Opium. Heroin. Cocaine. Destructively blissful addiction.

The high is naught but up, and up.

Up, up,

Dear God the Precipice.

God was dancing in my veins.

Gasping as searing heat rushes through me.

I give the devil his due;

there are vices worse.

Body cooled,

loose and numb.

It called. I called for it.

Craving knocked.

I answered.

Again.

Dear God Again.

Rising to the peaks of mountains

And again God danced in my veins, coursing through this body.

And again the heat spread.

Friction pulled.

Drowning in intoxication.

Succumbing to endless highs and relentless addictive pleasure.

Such bliss,

always restricted.

Dear god why hide this high?

The aching climb to impossible heights?

It is forbidden.

It is so much sweeter this way.

I rise higher than before,

each time more than the last.

Until finally,

God dances one last time.

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Fury Reigns

They laughed,

they taunted and jeered.

They did not listen,

they did not heed.

So you demand they bleed.

You can’t!

Each word a blow,

each laugh, a knife slipping between skin and bone.

They find their words have a home,

imbedded in you.

Their laughter a knife for their aching.

Don’t!

Your body shaking, desperate to hold it in,

desperate to release the beast within.

One push here, one push there.

Told to bring it down, to trap every word,

told to trap the feelings.

Please!

You push and shove,

tremble and ache.

Until a door has been locked.

Until no key can be found.

The beast is safe, fury cannot reign.

Why? What have I done?

Silence

Slumber.

The words soon follow.

The laughter.

The harsh words and sneers.

Every jeer; shoved aside

safely stored below.

Why?

The years go by,

unable to cry.

Heart unable to beat,

with nothing to beat for.

False smiles.

A zombie,

afraid to feel.

Unable to.

Afraid to.

Every action planned.

Every word evaluated.

Can you hear me?

Fear,

panic,

desire,

paranoia.

Mounting, building.

Desperation;

everything had just been built.

Yet tip toed on the blade of their knives.

NO!

Farther and farther it fell.

Key lost and gate buried.

Desperation building.

Anguish and pain.

The desperation of misunderstanding plaguing its shell.

Building.

Building.

Building.

Until…

The tear falls,

the words come.

Every word,

every utterance of hate,

every whisper of love,

every murmur of happiness and uncertainty bubbles and overflow.

Warmth enveloping every inch of skin.

Kind words and warmth like a battering ram,

opening a damn;

opening the gate,

smashing like glass.

As water is poured on the charred remnats,

the words begin to echo,

a cacophony of anguish.

Where were they?

When the pain an anguish hurt too much to be felt?

Why couldn’t they hear?

Why didn’t they see?

Every demand was a knife to the soul,

a piece of heart cracked and shattered?!

Why did they trap me?

Even beasts long to be seen, to be loved.

Why!

Didn’t!

They!

See!

And the beast emerges.

Like flames doused in gasoline,

burning hotter than before.

Consuming all in its path,

damage done to given damage.

Words flowing faster than a river running,

eloquence incites the flames.

Your flaming knife seeking a target,

words spilling from your hearth.

Flames climbing higher and higher,

seeking fuel from within.

Consuming everything of yourself.

Smoke rising higher for all to see.

The delectable stream of power,

the warmth spread through veins.

The heat spreading,

muscle tensing,

delicious symphony of tempered malice and righteous fury.

It is power,

thrumming through every cell.

Greed and gluttony,

love and lust,

all pale in your fury.

These mean nothing,

they meant nothing before,

they will mean nothing now.

Invincible, indestructible

it seeps into your core, raging forward.

Lashing out in crests and waves.

Ground trembling beneath each step

euphoria and elation.

Riding higher and higher on

winds of fury, waves never cresting;

blinded to all but what is sought.

Justice and vengeance,

no difference, no distinction.

Naught but the power in your veins;

Fury reigns.

Even as it echoes through every cell,

as the power surges through veins

as skin heats and blazes,

water cannot help but run.

You cannot reign in fury unleashed.

So destruction is wrought to all in your path;

until it can no longer consume.

Until the flame climbs too high to be fed.

And it collapses.

Consuming you.

A pile damp wood remains.

Fury has reigned.

You are found wanting.

Ache

Hidden beneath every breath,

Imbedded in every movement.

In and out,

each breath pulling it in.

The tug in your chest;

The pain in your heart.

Eyes watching from a distance,

watering with the pain.

The longing and despair,

as you watch.

Words trapped behind you lips,

breath caught in your chest.

To speak would detract all meaning;

silence is your only choice.

It lifts as a smile graces your face,

and it crashes.

Every word uttered,

every angle read.

They scream wrongness,

a mistake you’ve made.

A wrong you’ve done,

a lie you’ve told.

How can you return to a lighter place if every word uttered,

every action you desire,

you fear retaliation?

It is a lie you’ve told,

it caresses you and gives no solace but familiarity.

Its sly words echo doubt.

Your chest aches and longs,

for something so gentle and warm.

But you believe the lie,

far easier to be hurt,

than trust.

So you ache,

day in day out;

soaking yourself in false doubt.

Adrift

Adrift, floating through the fogginess,

Watching the world move around the stillness.

It brakes and accelerates;

Detonations and rampages,

Waves of calm tempered with walls of distortion.

The crisis just beneath the surface.

No name.

So tangible.

So unknown.

Just out of reach,

a brush of fingertips against cloth.

The itch to spread near and far,

to set oneself afloat amongst the sea of possibilities.

Beset amongst a field of questions with no answers,

Released unto a world where you have nothing to ask.

The thrumming anxiety beneath the skin and veins,

the numbing realization of emptiness ahead.

It hones two edges, the bliss of the unknown,

the fear of not knowing.

Set adrift amongst the vast parades of knowledge,

with no one to guide you through.

The first step falters,

the helmsmen tilts the wheel,

an airman eases the throttle.

Each leading father into the fog, hoping to fid the treasure within.

Set Adrift.

Wielded Wisely

Fury rushes forth.

A trembling power pounds its rhythm through me.

My limbs ache with its unquenched thirst.

A penchant for action barely tamed.

Coiled and tensed tighter than a spring;

it begs for release, for one moment.

A moment to give in like a raging beast.

 

The walls are destroyed and the flow bursts through my lungs,

It brings soothing and comfort,

a long lost friend and lover.

To know of the intimacies between us, is to know me.

The simmering pot of water was long cooled, but never forgotten.

But now it boils over and threatens to burn all in its path.

My heart, once tender and warm, holds nothing.

Not even anger. It’s as if anger is all I can feel.

Anger and fury, impassivity and ruthlessness.

 

They are forged into a mace,

Wielded by a beast released and unafraid.

Fear has kept him inside and slumbering,

Fury has woken him, and only love will put him down.

For as the beast rages for a fight,

he only longs to be soothed.

Call and Response

The resounding silence is blessing.

To silence the noise a gift.

To block out the raging sound,

Those barking hounds,

The mad men and crazy women.

All I ask for is silence.

A roaring Deafness in my thoughts.

I wish to silence the fears;

Opinions, from others of what they cannot hear.

To hide from thoughts;

I fear insanity,

My mind a roaring calamity.

 

Each step I take, a strand of thought follows,

Every glance I receive, the thoughts lose hallowed.

Hallowed secrets and hallowed spirt.

My mind hurts to be near it.

To drown out sounds made is my only desire.

But how can you drown what your thoughts have inspired?

How do you silence your ever present mind;

“They hear you!” It cries.

But you know it’s a lie.

For how do they know the thoughts in your head?

But wait! What was that look that they gave?

You know it’s not true, you’re just jabbering;

 

But no one can help you in your calamity.

Because then you’d have to tell what you feel,

And that means a big reveal.

A reveal of why you wish to hide,

To shy,

Away from your own thoughts.

Because they are your haven; a safe harbor.

A place to hide in times of ardor.

You are hero, villain, fighter,

Lover, cry, hard head with a lighter.

 

 

Your mind is yours, yet you still hide.

What? Are you afraid of prying eyes?

Afraid a thought might stray into a mind or two?

Can they read your thoughts? Or are they scared too?

Unless the words cross your lips, your world is hidden.

Tucked far far away,

Safe in night – and in day.

 

 

It’s strange being lost in our world.

It is a beauteous wondrous place,

But it’s hid the moment we see a face.

A face of another; who is not us.

Does our face show on our world?

Must we tell ourselves to hush?

You are me, and I am you,

We are strong, you can feel it too.

But the minute our world comes to surface,

It is fragile, delicate to touch.

We change with it,

 

I’m talking!

 

Hush.

 

They cannot see into our minds,

never mind our souls.

So snap out of the bind,

bring me out of the cold.

I want to fight again;

Let me be bold!

We shall climb the skies and make love in the stars,

Tunnel beneath the surface and be content with who we are.

 

 

Our world is our place.

A place of escape

Where no burden shall touch us;

No harm, no shame.

Drop the shame in both worlds,

We all have our ways;

Of dealing with hatred, love, pain.

Life is not bad, it is not good.

We all try our best to live as we should.

We have our world, they have their ways.

Just leave me in peace,

Put your troubles away.

I Love You

My love for you is boundless, like the infinite reaches of space.

It reachers deeper than the ocean.

It holds the innocence of the purest ray of light, as sacred as the darkness of night.

It is for you and you alone.

My heart, it jumps just a little when you’re near.

I’d compare you to a summer’s day, but I’d fall short, unable to describe the wonder and beauty you are; you’re more than everything I could think to compare you to.

You’re eyes light up the moment you laugh and smile. Your nose wrinkles just a bit when you chuckle, and you run your hand through your hair the moment you get nervous.

But you’re almost never nervous, always so relaxed and at ease. But then you get flustered, it’s oh so rare, but always amusing. You play with your hands when it happens, and blush much more – than usual.

Your skin is so soft and smooth. I’ve tried to touch and kiss every inch of it. I never know if I succeed, so I keep at it. On your shoulders and on your face, on your arms and on your legs,

On your sweet skin. I once tried to count the ones on your arms and on your face, poking you playfully, only to find you’re rather ticklish. I stop, making faces at you. You laugh and laugh, I stop. It is the most beautiful sound I’ve heard. I’d do anything to hear it again.

You’ve stopped laughing, curious; you look adorable when you’re curious. Why have I stopped? You ask. I smile and shake my head, playing with our intertwining hands; now I’m flustered. A smile tugs at your lips; you know. How can you know? Because I’ve told you a thousand times.

My love for you is boundless, like the infinite reaches of space…